On Fear & Phobias
August 8, 2019
On fear & phobias
At a workshop, someone asked me, “I have a fear of public speaking – in short, ‘glossophobia’. How do you get rid of that?”.
I paused, and asked her back, “Do you really fear public speaking, or do you fear screwing up in front of the mass? Moreover, is it fear or nervousness?”.
She didn’t answer. Maybe because she got her answer, or maybe she got even more confused. I don’t know. But what I know is that this simple conversation made me change my perspective on the “phobias” we have.
“Phobia” – It is a persistent, excessive, unrealistic fear of an object, person, animal, activity or situation, as defined by Harvard Health Publishing.HARVARD HEALTH PUBLISHING, HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL
But, on a deeper scale, I contemplated myself. Is it the “object, person, animal, activity, or situation” that we fear, or is it their implications towards me that I really fear? Or, is it a different emotion and not fear at all? Understanding of emotions and labeling of emotion is important, because your behaviors are based on your emotions, and your emotions are based on your needs. Eventually, it’s all about YOU.
For instance, I have this irrational fear of heights. On the “phobia” grid, it’s labeled as ‘Acrophobia’. But on a deeper level, it is not the height that I fear, but the fear actually comes from “what if I fall down from this height?”. Ophidiophobia is the fear of snakes. It’s not the actual snakes that people fear, but it’s the fear of a snake biting you. Nyctophobia is the fear of night. It’s not the night that people fear, but the fear is of the implication the night has on them (probably a robbery, tripping down on some obstacle or anything). Hydrophobia is the fear of water. Again, it’s not the actual fear of water, but the thought that I might drown in the water is what scares people.
Most of my students say they fear exams. On a deeper level, they do not fear exams, but they fear the exam results. The results are the indicator of their own performances – i.e. the fear comes from the implication that you think is going to happen on YOU.
This has changed my perspective towards ‘fear’. The job of this emotion “fear” is to protect us from danger. If we fear fire, we won’t go near it. If we fear water, we won’t ever raise our hands for chilling at a beach or a pool-side party. But then again, it is not the object or situation people fear, but it’s the impact on ourselves that we fear.
SO WHAT?
Emotions are like compass. They signal you whether to head towards it or go away from it. Once you understand that the fear is about YOU, you might be able to act on it more rationally, I believe. You would think you have an anthropophobia, i.e. fear of people/society. In reality, you are really fearing their judgement or perspective on you. You don’t even fear the interaction, but you fear your inability to communicate properly.
People label emotions are good and bad. They’ve probably subconsciously taught that ‘fear’ is a bad emotion. The emotion ‘fear’ is connoted negatively in our daily lives. But on an emotional perspective, fear is an emotion that protects us from danger. The emotion fear serves our need for protection – be it self-protection, or protect your loved ones, or feel protected by someone else. Fear isn’t good or bad, you’re just fulfilling your need.
To the girl who asked me how to get rid of glossophobia and for more people who ‘fear’ something or someone, explore a bit more on what implication on YOU is your actual fear of. You would – then – be able to tackle it better, hopefully.
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